I love cold, rainy days. As I just told my friend Trey, days like this are the cocoa/pajamas/movies kind of days. Normally I'm in a great mood on days like this, but today that's not the case.

I don't know what's going on, but lately I've been really...down. I may laugh and joke and have a good time when I'm hanging out with a group of my friends, but the truth is that I've been pretty depressed for a while now. I think I know why (for the most part), but understanding it and telling myself that it isn't rational to feel this way isn't making it go away.

I don't usually tell people when I'm feeling like this, and most people aren't perceptive enough to pick up on it. I don't like it when people try to cheer me up because it usually doesn't work (although I appreciate the intentions). It often has the opposite affect, actually, because it makes me more depressed when I realize that I'm so messed up that my amazing, hilarious, awesome friends can't even make me feel better.

Sometimes I try to listen to music to lift my spirits, but I usually end up skipping over the peppy, upbeat songs on my playlist and listening to nothing but songs that make me feel more depressed for whatever reason.

I do this pretty regularly throughout the year. I've researched seasonal depression (yes, there is such a thing) a little bit, and I think maybe that might be the problem. The thing is, I'd rather feel depressed than be on medication and feel nothing at all. I dunno. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I'm just grumpy. Either way, I don't like it.

Thanks for listening...